ROB.REVIEW #001 Lords of Salem

“Disappointed... but might give it a second watch” – Final Grade: B

Mixed feelings walking away from this one, and I'm pretty certain I'm not alone in that. Though I have tremendous respect for Zombie as a filmmaker, I hate to say that I think he may have missed the mark here. A great original idea based around the legendary folklore of the 17^th century salem witch trials, LOS gets an A+ in the area of unnerving it's audience with disturbingly dark imagery, but barely passes the grade in providing a cohesive story with a proper arc that doesn't leave the viewer feeling frustrated or confused. Though I respect Zombie for not spoon-feeding his audiences, here I felt we truly did need a little more. Unfortunately I was also very unimpressed with the “satanic” score by John 5, which was more annoying than frightening. On a positive note, Zombie is clearly tipping his hat to Kubrick with this film, and that I appreciate. BUT... I'm afraid he may have failed to achieve that eerie and haunting undercurrent which Kubrick so successfully achieved in The Shining. I'd say this is a valid addition to the rather small collection of original modern horror stories and should be appreciated in a world of endless remakes & reboots. Yet still, I'm not quite sure this struck the precise chord that Zombie was hoping to strike with the audience. In fact, from what I observed in people's reactions, it was some very unpleasant music they heard.

The Broad Street Bullies

I'm not sure what it is about hockey & Philadelphians, but mixing the two really seems to bring out the brute in us.  I tend to think of myself as a relatively peaceful person, & honestly I don't really follow sports much.  But being a Philadelphia native makes me intrinsically obliged to root for their sports teams, which I do gladly.  Yet it seems that it's only with hockey games that I get the most fired up.  Of course it doesn't help that I watch most of the games with my brother, who's a huge Flyers fan, but I find myself jumping out of my seat & yelling at the TV even when I watch them alone.  The players move so fast up & down the ice that it's almost impossible not to get worked up watching them, especially during the playoffs.  Every player on every team has worked all season to get to where they are & it's very apparent that this is when the take off their "nice guy hats".  Yet even still, I'm always surprised when I catch myself cheering/encouraging an opponent getting a hard check into the boards, or even when a fight breaks out.  It can be so barbaric & so mindless, yet my team always gets my support.  This is especially true when revenge is called for after a cheap shot is taken against one of my guys.  Is it all those pads that makes it okay to route for a fight?  Is it ever okay to cheer on violence?  This type of activity has been part of human culture for thousands of years, but does that make it okay?  Are those whom consider themselves peaceful & reasonable allowed that one time (such as a Flyers playoff game) to support barbarism, or does that just make them hypocrites?  I can't help but ask myself these things after I realize what I'm doing.  Strange isn't it?

Does Talent Mean Nothing These Days?

  So as if I have mentioned before, I am in a band and we are completely self-sufficient right now.  And I don't mean that to be a good thing.  Most people don't realize how hard it is to just get a gig by yourself, without the luxury of a manager, booking agent, or promoter making you out to sound like hot shit.  Most clubs want to make sure you have a big draw (following) before they book you or they won't have anything to do with you.  But tell me, how is a band supposed to develop a following without playing a few gigs to begin with without one?  This is the catch 22 we find ourselves in often.  We just got 'replaced' from a club that we had a regular spot at because they weren't getting enough business, even though we have only played there less than a hand full of times.  Now if you're thinking to yourself "maybe it's because your band sucks", I don't blame you for thinking that but in fact we do not suck, we are actually really good (see for yourself www.gatesofedenmusic.com - and if you still think we suck you can kiss my ass).  Situations like this one would probably be a lot easier to swallow if we really weren't good, but the frustrating part is that we are good but for whatever reason we aren't getting the right kind of exposure.  But regarding clubs such as the one that just 'replaced' us (with a DJ no less, I'm sure people love listening to a snare & kick drum all night), don't bother hiring a band that's starting off if you're going to rely entirely on the band's following for business.  The club itself should have a draw of its own, & if it doesn't then perhaps it's the club that sucks and not the band, perhaps those $10 drinks aren't flying well with the clientele.  It seems that a new band could be the greatest band in the world with the most talent (not saying that's us, although like I said, we do ROCK), but if you can't pull a following out thin air, people want nothing to do with you.  It's like the old tree falling in the woods metaphor.  How about someone gives the underdog a f&#%ing chance!

Live from New York it's Saturday night!!!

  For almost 40 years now Saturday Night Live has been what many Americans have turned to for laughs & sanity.  It has endured through cultural, political, & cast changes that many thought would surely be the end of SNL.  The fact that it is still around says a lot about the show, but also a lot about America.  It shows that no matter what the circumstance, America loves to laugh... or even, America needs to laugh.  Whether it's satirical comedy or slapstick comedy, America needs a healthy outlet for all of its pent up frustrations, & SNL seems to be the perfect answer to that call.
  Along with being an American institution, SNL has also become the place where some of the world's most beloved comedic stars are born.  Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Chris Farely, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrel... the list is almost endless.  This habit of producing stars is something SNL has become known for, despite dramatic cast changes.  Remember is 1995 when Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Mike Myers, Kevin Nealon, and a few others all left, & in came Will Ferrel, Cheri Oteri, Darrel Hammond, and the rest of the new cast?  I do, and I remember thinking that was the end, that it would never be funny again.  Of course I was very wrong.  The comedic style did change, but not the comedic value.  I'm sure people felt the same way when the original cast starting getting replaced by those who left in '95, but low & behold it endured.  I've noticed that we as viewers become attached to the cast members like family, & when they leave it is heart-breaking.  But all good things must come to an end, & this is something producer Lorne Michaels is very much aware of.  SNL's ability to change with the times it what has kept it going through the years, & I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that I hope the SNL train never stops.

**GATES OF EDEN Wins USF Battle of the Bands - Opens Bullstock 2011**

For those of you who don't know, I am the singer & guitarist for the local Tampa Bay rock power-trio Gates Of Eden.  The best way to describe our sound is that it consists of a wide variety of rock-based music.  I realize that sounds a bit ambiguous, but that's about as specific as I can be in describing it.  Most people at our shows say that they really enjoy us, but that they also can't quite put their finger on what it is they like about us.  I believe that keeps people interested & wanting to learn more about us.  We formed in early 2009 and collectively we are influenced by everything from Michael Jackson to Tool to Dave Matthews Band.

For me, the whole process of developing this band has been one of great personal joy.  Gates Of Eden has come to represent somewhat of a personal resurrection / rebirth for me, after failing to try & domesticate myself, as well as healing from a few good broken hearts.  This band truly has given meaning to my life, & for that I am eternally in debt to my boys Matt Poynter (drums) & Dylan Witkowski (bass).  Alright now that's enough of the mush.  What I want to tell you about is our handful of notable accomplishments from the past year.

Last summer we embarked on our first official US Tour (the 'Be Gentle It's My First Time Tour').  We drove a ridiculous 4,000 miles in a van that Matt's dad lent us.  We played shows in Austin Texas & Philadelphia Pennsylvania, with our most memorable show being at The Grape Room in Manayunk PA (the old Grape Street Pub).  This past November we won the Wild Card Round at the Big Bang Talent Show in St Pete FL.  And recently, in the midst of recording new material & preparing for an intense nation-wide summer tour, we were invited to participate in the USF Battle of the Bands by our good friend Jessica Antonen from the Campus Activities Board, whom we met last year when she got us to play the soccer stadium for the Relay For Life Benefit (another memorable moment for us).

Well despite the presence of other greatly talented bands, we actually won!  And this leads us to what will most definitely be the biggest show we have played yet as a band; the prize for winning the Battle of the Bands is getting the opening slot at Bullstock 2011, headlined by 3OH!3 - ! We are extremely excited to get the chance to receive such high exposure & to really show people what we're made of.  Bullstock will be on Saturday April 9th, and we recommend you come out & enjoy some high quality live music!!! - Rob Morris www.gatesofedenmusic.com

24-Hour News Blues

   I'm probably not the only one who has noticed that, recently, things have been less than friendly across the donkey/elephant aisle.  And though I do tend to side with most non-Republicans, I am not quick to say that all the guilt lay on their side of the political ocean.  So, who's to blame then (you may be asking yourself)? Well I can tell you, and it's simple... 24-Hour Cable News Networks!
   Now here, it's not the matter of how biased television news has become (that started with the newspapers and was bound to happen to television).  What is the matter is how big of a deal is made out of certain issues by television news and, consequentially, how much the general population is made to care about certain issues.  In other words (as mother always said), too much television will rot your brain, and that's exactly what has happened.  American television has driven America mad!  Every year people are murdered over political ideologies, and in our everyday lives we feel the need to have constant access to some form of cable news; while in line at the bank, at your favorite fast-food restaurant, at the gym, at the car-wash, even an app on your phone.  Yet when one actually observes 24-hour cable news as the science-experiment-gone-wrong it truly is, you will notice that in any given day the networks will only have a hand-full of stories, and you will also notice that they are recycled, re-worded, and exaggerated all day long by, literally, paid professional television entertainers... not true journalists! (with the exception of the obvious few).  Now I'm not saying let's go back to the 1960's, life back then was far too black & white.  But, back then it seems people were at least still capable of living side by side as Americans and neighbors, and not as Democrats or Republicans, Pro-Life or Pro-Choice, Anti-This or Tea Party That.  Things were simpler then, things moved slower.  Back then people watched their news in the morning before work, and later either right before dinner, after dinner, or at 11pm if you worked late.  You got thirty minutes of the stuff that matter, you voted, you volunteered, and you were a member of the school board.  Today, that would be considered media starvation.  Despite our recent advancements in communication technology, lately everyone just seems to be so disconnected from everyone else.
   Reflectively, it can be said that this concept of constant news has produced some positive results;  first, that it can be an asset in an emergency/crisis situation (although if there really ever were an emergency the government could exercise its right to take over the networks), and secondly the attention it has brought to issues that truly matter like the Egyptian revolution, gay rights, and sustainability.  These topics are definitely deserving of all the attention they have received.  My problem is when too much time & attention are paid to meaningless things.  And even if your flag be true, no matter what your cause, obsessing over it will make you crazy, or at least unpleasant to be around.  We need to look to our common humanity while we try to workout the issues that divide us. -

ZBB

Since my past few blogs have been relatively negative, I thought I'd lighten the mood & let you, my devoted follower, know about a new band that has plenty of talent & substance to go around.  This would be the Zac Brown Band, a country/rock/funk/reggae/progressive/jam group from the hills of Georgia.  Though ZBB has just recently begun to get some well-deserved recognition, they have actually been touring bars & college campuses nation-wide for over ten years.  Now, I am personally not a fan of country music, but ZBB is no ordinary country band.  After moving to Atlanta in 2005 my tolerance for country music naturally grew stronger and one night,  after having just started working at a local steakhouse, a co-worker invited me out to see this band she liked.  So we went to this bar somewhere outside of Canton & there they were, the Zac Brown Band.  They had the entire place moving & dancing, their most memorable song being a wicked rendition of Charlie Daniel's 'Devil Went Down To Georgia'.  I knew one day they would make it, but after that night I went on with my non-country-music life & didn't keep very good tabs on ZBB.  Well let's fast-forward five years.  In 2010 the Zac Brown Band had several number one hits on country radio, performed live on television, won Best New Artist at the Grammys, and played the main-stage at the Bonnaroo Arts & Music Festival in Tennessee (one that over 100,000 people attend).  Now that is progress!  I'm not sure if it's the small sentimental attachment for ZBB & Georgia that I have, but something makes me so happy to see these guys succeed.  They are one of the hardest working bands ever to have toured.  Their songs are very well-written and are enhanced by a chorus of harmonizing backing-vocals (I think everyone in the band sings, which I guarantee is a product of their Georgia roots).  As a whole the ZBB is technically sound, for all of you snobby musicians out there.  They are so tight together that it makes you strive to find flaws in their music, but you won't succeed in that endeavor.  These boys are simply the result of years of constant hard-work & jamming, mixed in with good southern hospitality & values (ZBB is known to throw parties for fans before and after shows, and they have also traveled over-seas to perform for the troops).   So check them out & tell a friend, that is if you like music that makes you feel good. -